You know I often wonder
If I ever mattered to anyone
For so long I remained a puppet on strings
Realizing I was only serving a way of financial means
With my boundaries continuously being disregarded,
You really wonder why towards all of you I finally have grown cold hearted?
I only held on like that because I was greedy and didn't want to lose my kids
I knew the outcome of that scenario really before anyone else did.
Of the judgemental talk of my open faults, how it bothered those with their hidden ones,
How they would gaslight, lie and openly decieve, their manipulation would win, cons
And later on it was proved it did, but back then I had a feeling, a preface
So my pain and anguish eventually becoming a loop, continuously lived
Underneath booze and extreme mood swings it indeed hid
But eventually it all crumbled, later on I did too
I barely held on at times, because I truly felt I had no reason to
My entire sense of self, my existence
Haulted as I knew it, in an instance.
It's been a little over a year and I at times I still have this unwanted resistance
My life is lighter
Seemingly very empty
Yet oddly, still almost too full
So few people give my curiosity a genuine good pull…
At this point on my healing journey I'm no longer feeling broken
Yes some days are hard, yes some things are even more difficult when they're spoken
But to feel that weight lift, that space to free
It helps me manifest my growth in all capacities
I suppose at the end of this rant what started as a seeming tragedy,
All in all, I just feel blessed and I'm fucking proud to be me.